December 2009
15 posts
static legs.
i always wanted to be a ballerina when i grew up, because those turns made my world so pure. hazy, free, and pure. my teacher always asked how i never got dizzy; and i told her that i was born dizzy. my eyes craved the world spinning faster and faster on its axis, and when i was on my toes, i felt closer to heaven. and more importantly - i felt further from earth. nobody ever loved me more than my...
i'm at my best
when i’ve got blood on my hands.
bruised.
wise words of saul williams. reminds me to always put my right foot forward, because growth is a constant process. you always have new discoveries to make, friends to make, love to be had. new oceans to set sail. sea horses, besides staying with their mates infinitely, have a strong exoskeleton that protect them from other harsher sea mammals, they wrap their tails around the nearest plant to...
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
– oh, hemingway.
i've been sleeping with your ghost.
my eyes soak in every pixel, of every letter. my tongue licking the insides of vowels, every consonant sharpening my teeth, my throat sinks hard, my fury deepens. my blood boils my flesh into oozing sores, and every syllable i read and reread, is like salt in my wounds. you are a waste of space, of love, of this world. you were given your beauty only to sell your soul, your dreams, spirit,...
dirty, despondent, divine.
existing is easy, its living thats the difficult part.
i feel so uneasy
in my body lately. unattached to my surroundings, uncomfortable in public, longing for the comfort of my old friends. hating myself for not being able to just shut up and be at ease about those i love’s habits, habits that obviously make their own living more comfortable. my heart sinks so constantly, with every movement, simple silly words, that my constant nausea actually made me...
"as long as we're together, i'm at home."
i know that once i’m there, there’d never be anywhere else that’d feel good enough. i’m at this infamous crossroad; happy, generally content, employed, healthy, inspired, relaxed, loved. and i know that soon i’m going to have to start making those big choices. its such a strange occurrence. i walk around all day, go about my business, work my shift, go to bed. and in...
oh.
my little bones healed so wrong. i traded my voice box with a soft spoken older gentleman, he told me i would someday grow into it. crooked fingers, veins like multicolor atlases. tired eyes, beyond my years. clavicles made of porcelain, spine of malleable pure liquid gold, no one sees, but always takes a seat. i scoop whats left with my velvet pink palms. a heart so swollen its difficult to so...
i am not my own.
tentwentysixtwothousandandfive.
i cant believe i’m still suspended in air after all these years.
i’m always going to be okay with a world that holds you in it.
breathing. the truth does indeed hurt. but you have to know you did everything you could, and know that you wouldnt change anything.
you're not good at goodbyes.
syrofoam cups of liquid demise; surely ten years off a life. a stomach’s torn up lining. pink puffy raised patches of skin. sitting in pews, taking money from collection baskets. dining with sinners for company’s sake. glorifying lies to feel connected. most all of us have secrets, if not; things that put our best to shame. that make our mothers blush. our own palms sweaty. that make...
nice things.
my cats deep content purring. morning caffeine. crisp fresh white lilies. hitting your teeth on the other person’s cause someone makes both of you laugh while youre kissing. falling asleep on ian, both stomachs up. a couple sips of liquor to warm up your body and mind with honest, pure-intentioned friends. fresh taco bell, driving to dallas. standing on your tippy toes just to get closer to...
"someone said my life has dominated me; i liked...
back to square one, isnt so bad of an expression afterall. square one is a new shot, its the big abyss that holds the unknown, i am familiar with this crack. in my typical ways, i always cautiously wander around its borders, peeking down into it. keeping my balance. planting my feet firmly. but eventually, my curiosity gets the best of me. i always felt like a cat, after all. so it would, indeed...