maggie, my little companion. sitting by my feet napping. we’ve both been under the weather today. her ears are warm, and when im trying to find warmth in my bed, she nudges her head farther into the crease in my arm. intuition is such a mysterious trait to me, but what we choose do with our intuition is a topic im even more curious about. sure, i may know the basics of what is “right” and what is “wrong,” but what do you do in situations that arise where grey area surrounds you until you are up to your knees in indecision? in my particular case, im out of the window with a note on your side table before the self-doubt ever reaches my ankles. it seems like the less i doubt someone, the more i doubt myself. and in this moment, i’m pinning my feet to the ground to stop myself from running; but its only a matter of time. i keep hinting in my silly ways, but youre too grounded - too sane. i need you to trip me, so i can stop dancing circles around my nerves, or i need a push to run. visibility is my kryptonite. the one thing that disables me and all of my wonder woman-like powers. i crave so deeply to be only seen, but unheard as well as unknown by the people around me, and equally as deep - i crave to be seen, heard, known and most importantly - understood by one person. ive been told this is just a simple, completely human craving for a monogomous relationship. of course, i feel what i want has always surpassed the realms of “typical,” which, in this way, i suppose explains why such a concept always seems to be fleeting to me in all of my relationships. one would blame this on the fact that most people are, after all, normal. for years i would befriend the plain jane, bring her around my family, expose her to all sorts of art, film, music, and watch the metamorphosis take place. i enjoyed sharing my side of the world with others, and corrupting beautiful things. i learned later on in life, after meeting my antithesis - an abomination of equal - more beautifully strange, parts. shes the one that taught me we are all truly equals, and that none of us are whole heartedly normal. its all about finding the people that are just as normally odd as you, learning how those people can help blossom ideas you never knew you possessed, and vice versa. the exchange of ideas, and inspiring expression is truly the best gift we can give as well as receive. i think, in this way, art is in the same category, and is of equal importance as love.
in the world of art, it is equally important to make things that can be both seen and felt. here lays my current problem. then again, maybe its yours. when you look at me, what do you see? what do you feel?
my feet are so tired, i’m hoping they’ll rest.
