what thieves we all are, stealing our days from the past to hold onto the future. its a cycle, we replace old with new, just to stare longingly at the new, until it too becomes old. replace, recycle, dispose. although, those of us with the deep longing to explore, or in laymen’s terms - wanderlust often operate with a “wash your hands and carry on” sort of approach to the people who; hurt, bore, exhaust, or discourage us. its this freespiritedness that encourages our nomadic sprinting away from, or very technical pacing around the things we find beautiful, often times with no justifiable excuse other than purely, human, instinct. i become especially timid when people convey any sense of innocence to me. innocence and beauty, are one in the same to me, and it would appear as if i have surpassed the vindictive “break beautiful things” stage in my life; so naturally, i run from them. youre one of those that are close to extinct, with eyes i can see through. its said that misery loves company, but what if i choose a companion that isnt miserable? after long enough, you can make yourself believe nearly anything. positive thinking, induces positive results, right? im going to try a new approach, i’m going to doubt my doubts. who says ugly things, cant hold onto something beautiful? i’ve spent years reinventing myself, trying to make the one person i ever related to come back to me. i cant be a blonde petite british girl, i realized too little to late. by the time i came to this realization, i had cut my wild mermaid-like hair into a chin length bob, began wearing heels everyday, false eyelashes, and lost weight. i had become a whole different person, and i had never felt so ugly. never the less, it goes without saying that even though i always maintained my hope that someone to help fade my past, and become my future would show themselves to me in due time, it doesnt make me any less difficult now that it has happened. and it certainly doesnt make me struggle any less with my self worth, especially since you are so thoroughly - good. but i can resist my typical urges, i can soothe my doubts with a single glance at you. i have explained to you the depths of my complications, and can do nothing but hope you standstill with me. please, by all means, do. youre so beautiful i’m without words. even though you’re on a ledge with me, i promise its the safest one.
